I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
