I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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