Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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