Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
