well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
