There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
