have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
