Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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