You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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