She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
