well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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