Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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