I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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