I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
