Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
