i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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