Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize