i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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