I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
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