Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
