i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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