the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
