Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
