So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
