I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
