i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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