don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
