My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
