I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
