Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
