Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
