My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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