Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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