They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
