went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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