Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
