you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
