I think my vagina is haunted
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
