My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
