i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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