shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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