i think my mom watched the whole time
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
