sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just gift wrapped bread.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
