It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
