...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Watching her eat just hurts me
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize