so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
