just survived the first fart of the relationship.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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