if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
