I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
