Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
