1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
