We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
