u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
