i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
