I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
