I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
