All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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