can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
