Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
