My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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