Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
