Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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