The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
