there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
