I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
