Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize