i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
