Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
two words...techno handjob
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
